so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
