I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
