I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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