Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
