I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize