I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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