Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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