They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
