No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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