i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
