Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
