Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
