i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
