Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
