by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
