What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
