The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
