i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
