this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
