I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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