Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize
