I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
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