So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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