i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
