how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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