the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize