He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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