no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
