Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
