I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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