I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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