It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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