shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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