nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
