You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
