Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
