Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize