Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
