I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
