just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
