"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
