Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My liver just broke up with me...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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