New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize