so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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