You're my little dorito
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
zippers are such a cool invention
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
