Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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