billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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