I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
