his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
two words...techno handjob
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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