If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
