I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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