he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
