apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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