by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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