i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
