you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
