I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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