wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
