Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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