So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
