I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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