Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
