I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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