the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
