Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
