im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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