I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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