I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
