Your face is a jimmy john
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
