Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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