I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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