Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize