I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
