my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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