hotel room ftw
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
