i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
