Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
