my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
