Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
