nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
