I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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