wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize