seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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