I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
