What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
