It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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