Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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