I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
