alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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