Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
