she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
