Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
