Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize