It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is Oprah even human
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
