I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
