i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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