You work out of a Hotel?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
