Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
