Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize