people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
