You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
